At a National Master Gardener Coordinators meeting, Mr. Rick Werner, President of the Missouri State Master Gardener Program read a Top Ten List as a takeoff on the David Letterman staple. It was titled, "Top Ten Ways Your Neighbors Know That You Are A Master Gardener."

We thought it would be fun to take a little different twist and borrow an idea from comedian, Jeff Foxworthy who made the "You Might Be a Redneck If..." phrase part of our language. In that vein, we are looking for your best "You Might Be a Michigan Master Gardener if..." sayings which we will post here for everyone to enjoy.

Remember that this a "G" rated website so only submit items suitable for Master Gardeners and their children and grandchildren. Your friendly webmaster will be the final arbiter of acceptability of all submittals. If you would like to receive credit for your contribution, you may choose to have your name and county listed next to your efforts.

"You might be a ______ Master Gardener if..."
has now gone National and International!

We have received submittals from the following:
* Arkansas * Ohio * Rhode Island
* California * Oklahoma * Tennessee
* Illinois * Ontario * West Virginia
* Michigan * Oregon  
* Minnesota * Pennsylvania  
... 286 submittals and counting ... Let's have some fun. To submit an entry, please CLICK HERE.
(BTW - You may send multiple submittals in one email.)

...
Your husband tells all his friends that his wife treats the Garden as Therapy. “She goes there when she’s mad at me. That is why ours is over an acre and the best looking one in the neighborhood, she spends a lot of time there.” - [Dawn   Allegan County, Michigan]
... your reading seed catalogs on your Winter vacation! [Richard Thompson – Macomb County]
... you love the smell of spring soil that has been just turned over! [Richard Thompson – Macomb County]
...
you own nine cultivars of echinacea...and you know that means coneflowers! [Corky Smith: Antrim County]
...
your favorite birthday present is a 3' long rusty metal frog to put in your garden for the Garden Walk!
[Corky Smith: Antrim County]
... (and a Master Naturalist) what you once considered weeds are now native species.
[Gary Lemke - Kent County MG]
... your spouse and you both might be master gardeners is when you have his and hers flower beds.
[Gary Lemke - Kent County MG]
...
you tell your dog to quit eating the tall fescue.
[Karolyn Karl - Bay Conservation District]
... your "new "Easter outfit" is really bought to be worn to the Spring Conference. 
[Judy M., Lenawee County]
...
you own two pair of Muckers - one beat up and covered in mud and one "dress-up" pair. 
[Susan Burnett - Eaton County, Michigan]
...
at a neighborhood get together all the neighbors cheer when you tell them you got a new robe for Christmas.  Since you get up at the crack of dawn to do gardening, the robe is still your attire when the neighbors wake up and look our their window.  By the way I went from green to pink.
[Deborah Ide, Ingham County]
...
you won't let your husband turn the heat off in the garage because that's where the worm bin is.
[Corky Smith: Antrim County]
...
it costs you $280 to go to an Interlochen Summer Festival of the Arts Concert because there are TWO hosta and perennial farms on the way.  [Corky Smith: Antrim County]
... you have mowing shoes (usually old tennis shoes), gardening shoes (usually an old pair of boots) and Good Shoes (usually anyone else's everyday shoes)! [Michael Monroe County, MI]
... your introduction includes your name - your job and the fact that you are a Master Gardener.
[Michael Monroe County, MI]
... you get unknown "friends" calling your house asking plant/planting advice because another "friend" said you now EVERYTHING about growing things! [Michael Monroe County, MI]
... you force starts and cuttings on your next door neighbors because you're out of space in your gardens and hate the thought of throwing a perfectly beautiful plant away!
[Michael Monroe County, MI]
...
your friends plan an intervention due to your plant purchasing/planting addiction.
[Gayle Gullen, Wayne County]
...
your 3 year old granddaughter greets you with, "Grandma, let's plant something!" no matter what the season. [Beth Schmuhl - Genesee County]
... you totally understand when another gardener says, 'it smells green'.
[Kerrie McMillen, Adv. Master Gardener, Oakland County]
... you find your compost pile really quite interesting. [Kerrie McMillen, Adv. Master Gardener, Oakland County]
... you think planting trees in a park in a cold light rain is fun and hold a contest afterwards to see who gets the honor of being the most muddy. [Kerrie McMillen, Adv. Master Gardener, Oakland County]
... you talk someone out of buying a 'de-thatching' rake while shopping at a garden center.
[Kerrie McMillen, Adv. Master Gardener, Oakland County]
... when you go to Meijer's on a Saturday morning to do your weekly grocery shopping, you spend more on plants and accessories in the garden shop than you actually spend on groceries. 
[Mary Colombo, Livonia, MI]
... your husband tells everyone he doesn't need one of those silhouettes of a lady bending over as a yard ornament because he already has one... and his moves!!  [Mary Johnson Midland MG]
...
you go to a costume party dressed as a Pansy. [J.C. Schneider, Kalamazoo]
...
you're thrilled to win the bat guano door prize at the conferences. [Luann Davis, Adv MG]
... you dead head plants any place that you are and discreetly slip the seeds into your pocket.
 [Jan Ruthig, Kent County Master Gardener]
... your neighbors don't recognize you if they see you out in the community because they have never seen you clean and dressed up. [Jan Ruthig, Kent County Master Gardener]
...
the circus is coming to town and requires a receptacle for elephant and lion dung to be ready, so the Chamber of Commerce calls YOU... and you personally go and spread the stuff on a field. 
[Bonnie Jansen, Lenawee Co., MI]
... you are thrilled to win the bat guano door prize at the conferences. [Luann Davis Wayne Co. Adv MG]
...
your dreams are about arbors, garden ornaments, the newest tools, and plants grown to full growth!!!
[K. Winters, Clare Co.]
...
you go to the grocery store to pick something up for dinner (forgot to take it out of the freezer again) with dirt stained knees from planting. [K. Winters, Clare Co.]
...
your favorite necklace is the magnifying glass hanging on your neck to check under all the leaves on your plants for mites!! [K. Winters, Clare Co.]
...
you are the only one in the neighborhood who is excited about the two words...Dairy Doo!!  (and maybe the only one that knows what it means). [K. Winters, Clare Co.]
...
you get 12 yards of mulch for mothers day and you're so excited you can't wait to get your hands into it!   [Karen Smith, Kent County, Master Gardener]
... when your spouse asks what you'd like for your birthday, you instantly reply, "Just a pair of Felcos, number 6 please."  Your spouse might not be a Master Gardener if this remark is met with a confused look on his/her face.   (Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener)
... your favorite website is web1.msue.msu.edu/mastergardener. 
(Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener)
...
"winter interest" in your garden is defined by numerous haphazard wooden structures, oddly shaped burlap wrapped bundles, and miscellaneous bushes and small trees trussed up  with binder twine like holiday turkeys, all with the intent of protecting prized shrubs from heavy snow, ice and deer.  
(Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener)
...

you use clay busters, and you know that native plants can be a solution to difficult soil types.
[R. Gonzalez, Genesee County]
...
you think a garden would look great with a fish pond. [David Greer - Macomb County Michigan]
...
your husband brings you one dozen long stemmed red roses and you ask where the roots are!!
[Kathy Weber, MG, Emmet County]
... if you pass by a MUCH needed rest area on I-75 because it hasn't been adopted by area Master Gardeners and you'd rather hold off than waste the stop looking at the boring MDOT "landscape" of petunias and/or marigolds. [Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
... if you can hardly find a gardening book still in print that you don't already own.
[Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
... if your house doesn't get cleaned in the summer unless it rains because you can't bear to spend the time indoors. (This summer's drought in the UP has called for desperate measures indoors!)
[Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
... you know you are an Upper Peninsula Master Gardener if you have to put an electric fan on HIGH beside you, and keep moving it, just to keep the mosquitoes away while you plant your annuals and vegetable transplants in June.
[Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
... you know you are an Upper Peninsula Master Gardener if you have black fly bites behind your ears, on your neck, wrists and ankles or wherever there was the least bit of access to bare skin while you were on you hands and knees gardening.
[Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
...
you know you are an Upper Peninsula Master Gardener if you find yourself wearing very long pants and long sleeves on 90+ degree days because you'd rather not put any more bug spray on your bare skin for the 10th time in one day.
[Andrea Gavriloff, Rock; Delta County Adv. Master Gardener]
...
you wear black fingernail polish from April to October to hide your dirty nails.
[Lorraine Fedorchak-Kraker, Kalamazoo Advanced Master Gardener, MCN]
...
your husband has stopped complaining about all the new landscape beds....After all, it means less mowing! (Affectionately called "Lawn-B-Gone") [Emelee Rajzer- Kalamazoo County MSUE]
...
you pick your teeth with a broom straw. [Annonymous]
...
you know every little nursery place, legal, licensed and otherwise, within 200 miles where specialty perennials (hostas, daylillies, etc.) can be bought. [Jim Isleib, Alger/Marquette MSU Extension]
...
you have GRASS growing in your van! [Shirley Polen - Shiawassee County MG]
...
the rear passenger seats have been removed from your van and stored in the garage. (After all, you prefer transporting PLANTS to people!) [Shirley Polen - Shiawassee County MG]
... your favorite weight loss plan is the "MG Diet". No need to count carbs or fat grams. When gardening season FINALLY arrives in Michigan, you simply cannot be bothered to stop gardening long enough for meals. You become so engrossed in gardening that you usually don't even remember that it's meal time. This - along with all that gardening exercise - naturally results in those extra winter pounds literally falling off in the garden. [Shirley Polen - Shiawassee County MG]
...
people automatically go to your back yard when visiting because you're NEVER in the house.
 [Jeanine Fennessey Wayne County MG 1993]
...
you talk to plants and THEY TALK back to you! [Annonymous]
... 1. You like to play in the dirt.
2.  You know all the best dirt.
3.   You like the smell of dirt.
4.    You like to be dirty.
5.     You call dirt "soil".
6.      You dig in the dirt.
7.       You love Janet Macunovich.
8.         You think Mary McLellan is funny.
9.           You get "high" from the smell of roses, gardenias, etc.
10.           You have a credit card for Downtown Home & Garden.
                  submitted by Kathy Fojtik Stroud - Washtenaw County MG
... you have to clean the gardening tools out of your little red wagon just to give your grandkids a ride.
[Sandi Clark - Ionia County]
... you pretend to work at a nursery and answer the customers questions regarding a plant he just bought. [Juanita Defay - Berrien County]
...
your yard is cleaner than your house! [Charlene Hardy - Genesee County]
... your neighbors no longer call the police when they see a filthy figure in baggy clothes crouching over your window boxes. [Candyce Ewing Abbatt - Wayne County]
... all winter long you include a plant in your prayers because you’re pushing its zone.
[Scott Hills - Macomb County]
... you’ve mapped out all of the microclimates in your yard. [Scott Hills - Macomb County]
...
you serve more tea to your plants than you drink yourself! [Victor - Kent County]
... while attending an auto show with your spouse, you’re the only one in the room that gets out an autograph book when told that an MG is coming. [Jack Schaberg - Ingham County]
... you were the only one in your family that received 100% organic Christmas presents. And are proud of it. [Jack Schaberg - Ingham County]
... coming home from vacation you head right to the back yard to see what's going on, not even stopping in the house to see the pets or spouse. [Kary Case - Macomb County]
... as soon as you come home from work the first thing you do is check the garden to see what happened during the day. [Kary Case - Macomb County]
... when shopping at the local nursery you spend your time convincing other shoppers not to buy the plant that is in full bloom in favor of the one that has many buds on it. [Kary Case - Macomb County]
...
you pull weeds out of your garden, and you sit and study the root structures.
[John Elias - Shiawassee County]
... being the new neighbor on the block, you decide to compete in the neighborhood beautification contest, so you create a 925 square foot vegetable garden in back and a 7 by 40 foot flower bed along the driveway -- and everybody else quits!
[Bill Fritsch - Kalamazoo County]
...
you belong to a garden club and show up to plant in the rain (and lightening) and wonder where everyone else is. [Rose - Dickinson County]
... your fruit drawer in your fridge is filled with seed packets. [Annonymous]
... you can hardly get out of WalMart because you're so busy talking to people you know from Master Gardener classes. [Jim Isleib - Alger County Extension]
... your kids set up a kool-aid stand on the corner, you go check on them and start weeding someone else's flower beds, explaining "Oh, they don't want that in there". [Annonymous]
... you have started planting flowers up at the park because there's no more room on your property. [Annonymous]
... once having successfully completed the courses you end up teaching some of them!
[Tom Earle-Bridges - Schoolcraft County in the beautiful U.P.]
... you refuse to ride in your husband's beat up pickup truck, unless of course you're going to get mulch or compost. [Ginny Knowlden - Oakland County]
...
the last time you bought mulch by the bag was in 1982, since that was before you found out you can buy it in yards! [Ginny Knowlden - Oakland County]
... you ask for a wheelbarrow for Christmas and it ends up being your all time favorite gift!
[Ginny Knowlden - Oakland County]
... it's not a matter of IF you'll have a greenhouse it's a matter of WHEN.
[Ginny Knowlden - Oakland County]
... you and your spouse have driven to a garden center in separate cars because... well, you own small cars and there are so many plants. [Annonymous]
... your tomatoes spend as much time indoors as outdoors. [M. Collick - Marquette County]
... when you tend to the yard there is no grass cutting involved, because there is no grass, just one big garden. [Janice Gilbert - Wayne County]
... you just can't give up a pair of worn shoes. Before they lose the warmth of your feet on your way to the garbage, you stop in your garage at your gardening station, drop in a little soil, a little compost, and pull out some of those seeds you didn't use and plop, plop, whiz, whiz (water), oh what a fence planter it is. [Annonymous]
... Latin names actually MEAN something to you. [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you consider the neighbors “trashy” because they only grow Impatiens. [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... the veins in your forehead start to throb at the mention of Japanese Beetles.
[Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... your wedding ring spends more time on the ledge above the sink than on your hand.
[Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you carry a soil testing kit in your purse. All the time. [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you attend a support group where your first words are, “Hi, I’m _________, and I’m a Master Gardener.” [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you once blinked and missed summer. [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you know what end of the shovel to hold. [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... you go out to the garden at 3 a.m. with a flashlight to catch slugs in action. 
 [Patty Meyer - Ottawa County]
... your husband rolls his eyes & asks "Where are you going to put that one?" as you walk around the house trying to find a spot to put the latest plant you've rescued from the half-off cart at your local garden center. [Nancy K - Kent Co]
... you’re shoveling snow out of the flower beds in late fall/early winter so you can plant just one more batch of spring bulbs! [Roxanne Brunger - Genesee County]
... your husband buys you Thinsulate gloves to wear under your gardening gloves, because you just can’t quit when the weather turns cold! [Roxanne Brunger - Genesee County]
...
you cringe whenever coffee grounds are thrown away.- [John Elias - Shiawassee County]
... you have more photos of your garden in your wallet than your neighbor has of her grandchildren! [Barb...Ingham County]
... you actually know what a dibber is. [Emily - Oakland County]
...
you drive around with loppers and pruning saws in the trunk of your car. [Sharon Bass - Oakland County]
...
you have shovels and gardening gloves and buckets in your car's trunk for that plant you might
have to dig up somewhere. [Sharon Bass - Oakland County]
...
you know 101 ways to kill a slug - and you can recite them with joy in your voice.
[Sharon Bass - Oakland County]
...
you have a portapotty installed in a discreet place on your property so that you can take care of nature's calls without tracking dirt into your home. [Nancy Lindley - Wayne County]
...
you read plant & seed catalogs from December to April. - [Don Van Kirk - Wayne County]
... you carry a loupe with you and check your neighbors plants before they infect your plants.
[Don Van Kirk - Wayne County]
... weed is a four letter word in your vocabulary. [Jim Van Loo - Isabella County]
...
you take "Early Retirement" so that you have more time to garden. [Joanne Wright - Berrien County]
...
you have to exercise strong control to refrain from pulling weeds in the landscaping at interstate rest stops. [Joanne Wright - Berrien County]
...
you can only travel on the off-season because you can't bear to leave your garden from April-October. [Monica - Washtenaw County]
...
you spend more time at work answering co-worker gardening questions than doing your own job. [Gene Nagy - Livingston County]
...
you plant your new sod, GREEN SIDE UP. [Kevin Johnson - Macomb County]
...
you pack two friends in the front of a pick-up, drive 35 minutes to a great plant shop, fill the 8 ft pick-up truck full and the front of the cab, barely seeing anyone but the driver and then head to another plant shop, just in case they have something you REALLY need!
[Cathy McCune - Gratiot Master Gardener]
... you might be a normal gardener when: You teach your children the wonders of gardening.
You might be an obsessed Master Gardener if: Children? Who has time for children?
[Tracey Knack - Master Gardener Coordinator - Isabella County]
... you might be a normal gardener when: You can crush a Japanese beetle between your bare fingertips. You might be a Master Gardener if: You love the sound it makes when you do. [Tracey Knack - Master Gardener Coordinator - Isabella County]
... you might be a normal gardener when: You buy well-composted cow manure to top dress your garden. You might be a Master Gardener if: You buy a cow .
[Tracey Knack - Master Gardener Coordinator - Isabella County]
... you might be a normal gardener when: You've had a soil test. You might be a Master Gardener if: You studied for it!
[Tracey Knack - Master Gardener Coordinator - Isabella County]
...
you spent years pulling rocks out of your yard and are hauling them back in again to make rock gardens. [Rose - Dickinson County]
...
you can't help yourself, and you have to dead-head plants wherever you go. [Gail - Wayne County]
... every time you get lost, you end up in a green house parking lot. [Kathy M. Kent County]
...
your garden shed has more garden products than half of the garden centers in town.
[Carol Holtrop - MSUE office Huron County]
...
you threaten the rabbits for eating your flowers till one day you find an abandoned week-old bunny and you find yourself calling everywhere to find a rescuer. 
[Ellen Stern-Oakland County]
...
you aren't fazed by the gunshot sound of acorns hitting and bouncing off your roof.
[Ellen Stern - Oakland County]
...
you strain your eyes for thorns growing out of brush to see how much of it is Buckthorn.
 [Ellen Stern - Oakland County]
...
you constantly scan the tops of trees to see how many ash trees are dying (from Emerald ash borer), and then find all the branches growing from the bottom of each of them.
[Ellen Stern - Oakland County]
...
your library contains several different books on weeds. :-) [Rosemary - Montcalm County]
...
your spouse buys you a head lamp, like the coal miners use, so you can stay outside and garden long after the sun goes down. [Sylvia Schult - Oakland County]
... your spouse keeps you away from nurseries because you just have to buy one more plant!
[Terry Kozak - Kent County]
...
you buy corn for the neighbor down the block so he can keep feeding the deer to keep them away from your yard. [Kay Anderson - Ottawa County I do!]
...
your husband installs mercury vapor lights so you can plant till Jay Leno comes on.
[Kay Anderson - Ottawa County]
... you have many rocks in your gardens. [Jill Fitzgerald - Jackson County MG]
...
you have ever planned your wedding around spring planting time, (this did not go over well)
[Scott Cota - Jackson County MG]
...
you have ever given Japanese beetle traps to your neighbors as gifts, and then helped them install them. [Scott Cota - Jackson County MG]
... your hands don't come clean from April to September! [Judi Roberts - Kalamazoo County MG]
...
your friends and family don't bother to call you on the telephone if it's nice outside because they know you're in the garden! [Robin Traczyk - Gogebic County MG]
... you tell folks about a plant you gotta get because of how great it looks during the winter months with a foot of snow on the ground. [Richard G. Vissers - Ingham County MG]
...
you check the labels in the weed bed at Beal Gardens to make sure you have correctly identified all your own weeds! [E. Ferris - Ingham County MG]
...
you not only tell people what nursery you got plants from but give them driving directions and local garden points of interest nearby. [E. Ferris - Ingham County MG]
...
when someone says they're interested in the Master Gardener program, you know when it is offered in the surrounding five counties and can recite the website without looking it up.
[E. Ferris - Ingham County MG]
...
you think manure is a FINE birthday present! [E. Ferris - Ingham County MG]
...
it takes two hours to take a five minute walk because you stop to identify each plant you see along the way. [Renata Perlove - Livingston County]
... you understand that "Compost Happens." [Francine Jakubik - Genesee County]
... you might be an Upper Peninsula Michigan Master Gardener if...you give up one entire growing season to attend the Master Gardener Summer Conference at MSU.
[Lynn DeLoughary St. Arnaud - Marquette County]

...

 you are at the garden center in late October, it's 40 degrees and raining, and you are buying just a few more plants to include in the garden you will be planting before the ground freezes or snow falls (which ever comes first). 
[Debby Williams - Oakland County Master Gardener living in Eaton County]
... you grow something besides Old !! - [Kay McInnes -Cheboygan CountyMG]
... you automatically genuflect whenever Mary McLellan enters the room.[Ralph Heiden - Jackson County]
... you know that UP is not the opposite of down. [Ralph Heiden - Jackson County]
... you know that Sevin is not a number. [Annonymous]
... while at an International MG Conference you use the palm of your right hand to show people where you live. [Ralph Heiden - Jackson County]

... if you can't wait for the Atwoods Lawn and Garden sale paper to come out every Wednesday.
- [Tambra Childres - Gurdon, Arkansas]
... if you know all the clerks in Atwoods by name and they offer you a depression pill when you come in after all the flowers are gone. - [Tambra Childres - Gurdon, Arkansas]
... if your favorite perfume is called " Eau de Sweat." - [Tambra Childres - Gurdon, Arkansas]
... your favorite nail polish is called" Fresh Brown Dirt" - [Tambra Childres - Gurdon, Arkansas]
...
you keep a shovel and plastic bags in the trunk...just in case you find a plant that needs a home.
[Mary Gaines - Columbia Co. AR]
...
you keep baggies in your pocket for any seeds you may come across. [Mary Gaines - Columbia Co. AR]

... your kids eat dinner on TV trays since the kitchen table is filled with seed flats!
[Gary R. Beck - San Francisco, CA.]

... your husband gives you a diamond tennis bracelet and you think to yourself "gee, for the price of this he could have bought me a Mantis Tiller." [Sandy Richter - Belleville, IL]

... your opinion of your son-in-law goes waaay up when he brings you beautiful rocks for your garden for mother's day. [Mary D - Olmsted City, Mn.]

... you drive 45 minutes one way to an Amish perennial nursery twice in one week. (It is a wonderful place in Mesopotamia, OH --worth the drive, even from Mich.!).
[Devon Cretella -Trumbull City, OH, but a former Kalamazoo City. girl and an Ohio Master Gardener]

... you go to any grocery store for one item and you answer a question on pest management in the produce isle, why tomatoes aren't setting fruit in the spaghetti in a box isle, give helpful seed growing and seed saving tips while telling the the sacker to use paper and sack lightly so you get more bags for drying more seeds. [s.k.m. Ellis County, Oklahoma]
... your hands are clean when you leave the house but by the time you get to work there is dirt under your nails. How did that happen? [Sandy - Thunder Bay , Ontario]
... you run out of room in your own yard, and your boulevard and have started gardening at the neighbors. [Sandy - Thunder Bay , Ontario]

... you stand on  the street holding a sign:  "Will work for Compost."
[Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
...
you name your children: Snow Pea, Artichoke and Squash. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you have a tattoo of a Burpee Seed packet. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you use your vacation time to bond with your garden. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you hire an interior decorator to decorate your cloch. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you include your tomato plants with the number of children you have.
[Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... your favorite book title is:  1001 Ways to Utilize Zucchini. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you have a rewards card for buying Slug Bait. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]
... you registered at Burpee's for your bridal shower. [Elsie Hughbanks, Lincoln County, Oregon]

... the folks at the nursery ask you questions and you know the answer. 
[M. Corbin, Erie Co. PA]

... you can't see why no one makes "I Brake for Garden Centers" bumper stickers.
[Dorothy Swift - Rhode Island (Michigan native, of Kent County)]

Official Tennessee Master Gardener Submittal Tally
Mike Payne...30 Gina Turley...12 Eugene Howard..7 Kelly Walker...1
Linda Billingslea...15 Donna Adams...8 Lisa Lemza...4 Tom Stebbins..1
... you ask for the leaves of all your neighbors, just so you can run them thru the shredder for fun.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you volunteer to BE the gardener for your neighboorhood, so you can get more left-over flowers from more gardens.  [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you use part of your neighbor's yard as a garden because you are out of room in your yard for any more gardens.  [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
...
if you carefully remove earthworms from your drive and put them back in the
garden [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
... if you would rather be gardening than watch Tennessee football [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
... if you dance in the rain [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
... if the odor of fresh sod excites you [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
... if you have earthworms for pets [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
... if your favorite book is the Old Farmer's Almanac   [Eugene W. Howard  'MG 2005']
...
if you know the difference between voles and Vols  [Tom Stebbins,  Hamilton County Extension Agent]
... you make your spouse sleep in the guest room just to use the south facing windows in the bedroom to keep your tropicals alive during the winter. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... everyone at work is avoiding you at the end of tomato season because they just can eat anymore!
(Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you look forward to February, not for Valentine’s Day, but to your first seed catalog.
(Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... the highlight of your Disney Vacation was the Behind the Scenes Tour of Living with the Land.
(Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you refuse to travel for work during the end of June and all of July because veggies are coming in everyday. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... when you have to go out of town in the early spring, you leave detailed instructions with your husband on how to keep your seedlings alive, BUT forget to tell him to give the dog her pills.
(Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you buy a car based on the fact its seats fold up to accommodate shovels, plants, mulch, and other gardening supplies.  But the biggest selling point was there was no carpet and everything in there is washable, so when you got it dirty, it wouldn’t matter. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... everyone at work is your new best friend at the beginning of tomato season.
(Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you have more “yard shoes” then “dress shoes”.  (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you can plant seeds in the dirt under your nails. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you take all your vacations between November and March so as not to miss any of the growing season. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... everyone thinks you got a manicure in November, but you know they are just seeing your hands clean since the first time since March. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
...

you dream of working at a garden nursery just for the employee discount. (Gina Turley, Hamilton Co., TN)
... you think a Baby Bed is where you start your new plant seedlings. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... all your shirts have logos of gardening supply houses on the sleeves. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you move to New Jersey so you can live in "The Garden State." [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you cannot wait for the 400+ plant and seed catalogs to arrive at you door in December and January.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you attach a car seat to your Troybilt tractor. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have more flower vases than you do drinking glasses. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... your monthly water bill is more than the mortgage on your house. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you can make a foundation for your house from the rocks you have removed from your garden beds.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have run out of places to plant flowers and start tilling up your neighbor's lawn in order to plant more flowers. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have replaced all the regular light bulbs in your house with GROW-LIGHTS, so you will have more room to start seedlings in March. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you buy your spouse a load of MUSHROOM COMPOST for her birthday.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... your spouse gets a new 20 H.P. tiller instead of a car. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... all the vendors at the lawn and garden shows know you by your first name.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you install a TV & refrigerator in your greenhouse so you can spend more time on your plants.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you spend more hours gardening each week, than you do working on your REAL job.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know which sunflower seed to eat and which sunflower seed to plant.
[Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... when you see a yard you know instantly how to improve it. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... when you see used potting soil in the neighbor's yard, you want to recycle it through your compost.
 [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... composting is at the top of your weekly things to do list. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know that artistry in the garden is great landscaping and not drawing pictures.
 [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know that to prune means to cut limbs and not a dried up plum.
[Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... your home looks like a greenhouse in the fall. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know the difference between an ant and a termite. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you want your gift to be a gift certificate to a local nursery. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know the difference between a dandelion and a marigold. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... your toe nails and finger nails are always colored without going to get a professional manicure or pedicure. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you transplant your flowers from your garden to a family member's yard out of town.
 [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... your vacation is going to the botanical garden and the nursery. [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you are introduced as a Master Gardener before your name is given.
 [Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you know the difference between a bradford pear tree and a dogwood tree.
[Linda Billingslea - Hamilton County, TN]
... you tear the seats out of your car so you can get additional shrubs and plants home from the nursery.
 [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you plan your vacations around the bloom times, so you do not miss any Botanical Gardens in full bloom. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have 3 credit cards for buying lawn and garden supplies and you only have one credit card for everything else. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you request to be buried in the Rose Garden of the Biltmore Estate when you die.
[Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you asked the Curator at the Botanical Garden if they take overnight reservations.
[Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you grow vegetables in your driveway and park the car in the street. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you spend more money on your lawn and gardens, than you spend on your spouse at Christmas. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
...
you sow seeds in the cracks of your drive-way. [Donna Adams  President, Hamilton County Master Gardeners]
... you get mad because your beautiful burgundy okra does not win a blue ribbon at the county fair and nubby little green okra wins – injure that judge. [Donna Adams  President, Hamilton County Master Gardeners]
... you hate to have your picture made, but you are excited to have your picture made with a huge stalk of okra. [Donna Adams  President, Hamilton County Master Gardeners]
...
ou drive to the grocery store and stop unexpectedly at a house and ask them if you can have his Voodoo Plant. [Donna Adams  President, Hamilton County Master Gardeners]
... you got a divorce from your spouse, because you need the space she was taking up to store more garden equipment and plants. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... your kids have to ride back home with the neighbor, because you could not fit them in the car along with all the plants you bought at a nursery. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have to move the plants out of the kitchen so you can cook. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... you have to mow the grass in your living room. [Mike Payne - Hamilton County, TN]
... dirt falls out of your underwear. [Lisa Lemza - Hamilton County, TN]
... there are seedpods next to your laptop. [Lisa Lemza - Hamilton County, TN]
... all your socks have dirt lines. [Lisa Lemza - Hamilton County, TN]
...

you've stayed up two hours past your bedtime to let the soaker 'water it in.'
[Lisa Lemza - Hamilton County, TN]
... you through all the vegetables out of the vegetable drawer of your refrigerator in order to store bulbs for fall planting. [Kelley Walker - Hamilton County, TN]
... you give your mother-in-law a recycled Christmas Tree from last year as a Christmas present and tell her to put peanut butter on it and put it in her back yard for the birds.
[Donna Adams - President Hamilton County Master Gardeners - Chattanooga, TN]
... your mother-in-law picks up sticks from her yard and tells you to “stick them” and plant pole beans around them. [Donna Adams - President Hamilton County Master Gardeners - Chattanooga, TN]
... you drive around with your garden tools in your trunk. [Donna Adams - President Hamilton County Master Gardeners - Chattanooga, TN]
...  you give your kids or grandkids an Easter basket with garden tools in it.
 [Donna Adams - President Hamilton County Master Gardeners - Chattanooga, TN]

...
you catch your neighbor picking your flowers on Sunday morning because the vases at church need to be filled. [Janet Cain, Marion Co]
... your kids just scream your name when they can't find you in your yard because you are always under a bush or on your hands and knees in a flower bed.
 [Jill Dolen - Marshall County - WV]
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