Families in Crisis 

Responding to a Person Who Asks for Help 
    Stay Calm and Relaxed 
Remaining calm and relaxed is particularly important if the person is excited. People often are not at their emotional and/or behavioral best when they are under stress. Your calm will help the person relax. 

    Show That You Care 
Listen intently to what the person has to say. Use active listening and positive body language. As you listen, pay attention to feelings. Don't intellectualize the event or discount feelings. Instead, validate the person's feelings by letting the person fully express what is happening to them emotionally. 

    Help the Person 
One way to help is to "depersonalize" the situation. Persons who are experiencing difficulty often define problems in terms of themselves. They feel guilt, shame, or lack of self-worth and get stuck there. Whereas we do not want persons to fix blame on others, we do not want them to fix blame on themselves either. The problem is not the person, the problem is what the person is experiencing. If the person can "depersonalize" the problem, he or she will be better equipped to deal with it. Help the person "depersonalize" the situation by encouraging him or her to talk about the specifics of the problem. Help him or her explore the various parts of the problem. It may be hard for the person to fully express the problem in words, especially if he or she is emotionally distraught. 

    Avoid Forming Conclusions 
What you don't say is as important as what you do say. As you listen to the problem being defined, don't form conclusions or give advice. Instead, ask questions and use reflective statements that will help the person focus on the problem and possible solutions. Helpful questions and statements include phrases like: "Tell me more about...," "How do you feel about...," "It sounds like you feel...," or "What I heard you say was...Is that right?" 

    Let the Person Take the Lead 
Let the person take the lead in problem solving. Listen for cues on how he or she feels the problems can be solved. Ask what services or help would be most beneficial to the situation. This may include the fulfillment of any number of things, such as employment, child care, shelter, medical care or clothing. This type of discussion will start the person thinking about concrete goals he or she would like to accomplish and give him or her ownership for the eventual problem-solving plans. 

    Make Referrals 
It is natural for you to want to help the person solve his or her problems. You can do this by making referrals to organizations or agencies that fit into the concerns or goals expressed by the person. Such referrals will empower the person to accomplish the goals he or she has identified. It will be important for you to keep an up-to-date list of local community resources from which referrals can be made. 

    Do Not Try to Solve the Problem 
Don't take on yourself the responsibility to solve someone else's problems. Instead, give back to the person ownership for carrying out problem solving plans. Once appropriate referrals have been made, show the person respect by letting him or her make contact with additional organizations or agencies. 

Family Resource Community Agencies 
    Child Welfare Agencies 
There are many of these agencies throughout the nation. While many of them do not offer counseling services, they can direct families to other resources and agencies in the area. 

    Churches 
Many religious groups provide both professional and lay counseling for families with problems. Many ministers and priests have had specialized training in counseling, and they may also know who could help families in the community. 

    Community Mental Health Centers (CMHC) 
In many areas, CMHCs offer the best low-cost help and mental health care around. Each center has out-patient and inpatient services, 24-hour emergency care, partial hospitalization, consultation services, and community education programs. Most CMHCs charge based on ability to pay. 

    Crisis Centers 
These agencies often run 24-hour hot lines and provide a wide variety of help to people under stress or in a severe crisis.  Most crisis centers are publicly funded, and have either no fee or a sliding scale for payment. Most helpers in these agencies are lay persons trained by mental health professionals. Almost all crisis centers require their volunteers to undergo standardized training programs to teach them how to help families. The centers also keep a list of community resources. Anyone can use these centers. 

    Department of Vocational Rehabilitation 
These agencies help people who have a mental or physical disability and need training, counseling, or career planning help. In order to receive the services of a rehabilitation counselor, a person must have a certified disability verified by a doctor. These agencies can also refer people to other resources. 

    Employment Services 
The Jobs Commission and Employment Security Commission provides employment assistance such as job listings, employability training, and advocacy program. In Michigan these services can be found under MESC or the Michigan Jobs Commission. 

    Extension Services 
Michigan State University Extension (MSUE) provides training to meet family needs such as food and nutrition, parenting, conflict resolution, aging issues, and financial management. MSUE offices are in every county in Michigan. 

    Family Independence Agency (FIA) 
FIA (formerly Michigan Department of Social Services) sites are located in every county. FIA helps individuals and families meet financial, medical and social needs; assists people to become self-sufficient; and helps protect children and adults from abuse and neglect. Common services include adult independent living services, adult community placement, day care services, disability determination services, domestic violence services, employment, HIV/AIDS services, migrant services, Native American Affairs and Indian Outreach, teen parent programs, and assistance payment programs. 

    Family Service Agencies 
The Family Service Association of America includes over 340 agencies in all large and most medium-sized cities. These private agencies are available to anyone, usually on a sliding fee scale. A person or family will be seen by a social worker who has access to psychologists and psychiatrists should he or she feel their consultation would be helpful. 

    Friend of the Court 
Friend of the Court provides counseling services to families that have come into contact with the local court and police system as a result of problems facing one or more family members. Most often, social workers work with families in this agency, but the services of psychologists and psychiatrists are available. The only way families can obtain Friend of the Court services is by referral from a judge. However, professionals in the Friend of the Court keep a list of resources in your community that can be of service to you. 

    Hospitals 
Hospitals can provide a list of staff family doctors. This service may be useful if you need more medical information about stress. Families may also want to contact hospital medical social workers. 

    Medical Schools 
Medical schools are good sources for listings of physicians who have private practices in family medicine. 

    Outpatient Mental Health Clinics 
There are more than 2,250 public and private nonprofit outpatient clinics according to the National Institute of Mental Health. There are also hundreds of private group-practice clinics. Most offer a broad range of services including emergency, diagnostic, treatment, and referral. 

    Hospital Outpatient Psychiatric Departments 
Many general and psychiatric hospitals have outpatient departments or clinics that offer a full range of services. 

    Public Health Departments 
Public health departments provide food and nutrition assistance and medical support to eligible families. While public health departments usually do not offer direct counseling help, they can provide a list of community resources. 

    Social Security Administration 
This is the agency that specializes in helping senior citizens with social security payments as well as other problems. Many local branches offer counseling and educational programs and keep track of local resources that may be useful for senior citizens. 

    Schools 
All public schools have the services of social workers, psychologists, and, in some cases, psychiatrists, on a consultation basis. Families are most likely to be offered the services of the school social worker. Many schools also have school guidance counselors who provide counseling and help with career and education plans. 

    Veterans Administration Hospitals and Clinics 
Any veteran with service-connected mental illness is entitled to full care from the VA. The veteran with non-service connected conditions may receive outpatient or non-bed care from the VA if he or she cannot afford such help elsewhere. 


"Responding to a Person Who Asks for Help" was compiled by Dawn Contreras and Julia Tarsa. 

Copyright © 1999 Michigan State University Extension. For information about Hunger Resources and Programming, contact <wrublec@msue.msu.edu>. 

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