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Families in Crisis
Responding to a Person Who Asks for Help
Stay Calm and Relaxed
Remaining calm and relaxed is particularly important if the person
is excited. People often are not at their emotional and/or behavioral best
when they are under stress. Your calm will help the person relax.
Show That You Care
Listen intently to what the person has to say. Use active listening
and positive body language. As you listen, pay attention to feelings. Don't
intellectualize the event or discount feelings. Instead, validate the person's
feelings by letting the person fully express what is happening to them
emotionally.
Help the Person
One way to help is to "depersonalize" the situation. Persons who are
experiencing difficulty often define problems in terms of themselves. They
feel guilt, shame, or lack of self-worth and get stuck there. Whereas we
do not want persons to fix blame on others, we do not want them to fix
blame on themselves either. The problem is not the person, the problem
is what the person is experiencing. If the person can "depersonalize" the
problem, he or she will be better equipped to deal with it. Help the person
"depersonalize" the situation by encouraging him or her to talk about the
specifics of the problem. Help him or her explore the various parts of
the problem. It may be hard for the person to fully express the problem
in words, especially if he or she is emotionally distraught.
Avoid Forming Conclusions
What you don't say is as important as what you do say. As you listen
to the problem being defined, don't form conclusions or give advice. Instead,
ask questions and use reflective statements that will help the person focus
on the problem and possible solutions. Helpful questions and statements
include phrases like: "Tell me more about...," "How do you feel about...,"
"It sounds like you feel...," or "What I heard you say was...Is that right?"
Let the Person Take the Lead
Let the person take the lead in problem solving. Listen for cues on
how he or she feels the problems can be solved. Ask what services or help
would be most beneficial to the situation. This may include the fulfillment
of any number of things, such as employment, child care, shelter, medical
care or clothing. This type of discussion will start the person thinking
about concrete goals he or she would like to accomplish and give him or
her ownership for the eventual problem-solving plans.
Make Referrals
It is natural for you to want to help the person solve his or her problems.
You can do this by making referrals to organizations or agencies that fit
into the concerns or goals expressed by the person. Such referrals will
empower the person to accomplish the goals he or she has identified. It
will be important for you to keep an up-to-date list of local community
resources from which referrals can be made.
Do Not Try to Solve the Problem
Don't take on yourself the responsibility to solve someone else's problems.
Instead, give back to the person ownership for carrying out problem solving
plans. Once appropriate referrals have been made, show the person respect
by letting him or her make contact with additional organizations or agencies.
Family Resource Community Agencies
Child Welfare Agencies
There are many of these agencies throughout the nation. While many
of them do not offer counseling services, they can direct families to other
resources and agencies in the area.
Churches
Many religious groups provide both professional and lay counseling
for families with problems. Many ministers and priests have had specialized
training in counseling, and they may also know who could help families
in the community.
Community Mental Health Centers (CMHC)
In many areas, CMHCs offer the best low-cost help and mental health
care around. Each center has out-patient and inpatient services, 24-hour
emergency care, partial hospitalization, consultation services, and community
education programs. Most CMHCs charge based on ability to pay.
Crisis Centers
These agencies often run 24-hour hot lines and provide a wide variety
of help to people under stress or in a severe crisis. Most crisis
centers are publicly funded, and have either no fee or a sliding scale
for payment. Most helpers in these agencies are lay persons trained by
mental health professionals. Almost all crisis centers require their volunteers
to undergo standardized training programs to teach them how to help families.
The centers also keep a list of community resources. Anyone can use these
centers.
Department of Vocational Rehabilitation
These agencies help people who have a mental or physical disability
and need training, counseling, or career planning help. In order to receive
the services of a rehabilitation counselor, a person must have a certified
disability verified by a doctor. These agencies can also refer people to
other resources.
Employment Services
The Jobs Commission and Employment Security Commission provides employment
assistance such as job listings, employability training, and advocacy program.
In Michigan these services can be found under MESC or the Michigan Jobs
Commission.
Extension Services
Michigan State University Extension (MSUE) provides training to meet
family needs such as food and nutrition, parenting, conflict resolution,
aging issues, and financial management. MSUE offices are in every county
in Michigan.
Family Independence Agency (FIA)
FIA (formerly Michigan Department of Social Services) sites are located
in every county. FIA helps individuals and families meet financial, medical
and social needs; assists people to become self-sufficient; and helps protect
children and adults from abuse and neglect. Common services include adult
independent living services, adult community placement, day care services,
disability determination services, domestic violence services, employment,
HIV/AIDS services, migrant services, Native American Affairs and Indian
Outreach, teen parent programs, and assistance payment programs.
Family Service Agencies
The Family Service Association of America includes over 340 agencies
in all large and most medium-sized cities. These private agencies are available
to anyone, usually on a sliding fee scale. A person or family will be seen
by a social worker who has access to psychologists and psychiatrists should
he or she feel their consultation would be helpful.
Friend of the Court
Friend of the Court provides counseling services to families that have
come into contact with the local court and police system as a result of
problems facing one or more family members. Most often, social workers
work with families in this agency, but the services of psychologists and
psychiatrists are available. The only way families can obtain Friend of
the Court services is by referral from a judge. However, professionals
in the Friend of the Court keep a list of resources in your community that
can be of service to you.
Hospitals
Hospitals can provide a list of staff family doctors. This service
may be useful if you need more medical information about stress. Families
may also want to contact hospital medical social workers.
Medical Schools
Medical schools are good sources for listings of physicians who have
private practices in family medicine.
Outpatient Mental Health Clinics
There are more than 2,250 public and private nonprofit outpatient clinics
according to the National Institute of Mental Health. There are also hundreds
of private group-practice clinics. Most offer a broad range of services
including emergency, diagnostic, treatment, and referral.
Hospital Outpatient Psychiatric Departments
Many general and psychiatric hospitals have outpatient departments
or clinics that offer a full range of services.
Public Health Departments
Public health departments provide food and nutrition assistance and
medical support to eligible families. While public health departments usually
do not offer direct counseling help, they can provide a list of community
resources.
Social Security Administration
This is the agency that specializes in helping senior citizens with
social security payments as well as other problems. Many local branches
offer counseling and educational programs and keep track of local resources
that may be useful for senior citizens.
Schools
All public schools have the services of social workers, psychologists,
and, in some cases, psychiatrists, on a consultation basis. Families are
most likely to be offered the services of the school social worker. Many
schools also have school guidance counselors who provide counseling and
help with career and education plans.
Veterans Administration Hospitals and Clinics
Any veteran with service-connected mental illness is entitled to full
care from the VA. The veteran with non-service connected conditions may
receive outpatient or non-bed care from the VA if he or she cannot afford
such help elsewhere.
"Responding to a Person Who Asks
for Help" was compiled by Dawn Contreras and Julia Tarsa.
Copyright © 1999 Michigan State University Extension.
For information about Hunger Resources and Programming, contact <wrublec@msue.msu.edu>.
Michigan State University is an affirmative action/equal
opportunity employer. Michigan State University Extension educational
programs and materials are available to all without regard to race, color,
national origin, sex, disability or age. This information is for educational
purposes only. Reference to commercial products or trade names does not
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